teacher! teacher! wqesfyuhugikjgf

Is the above a typo? Or maybe I fell asleep on my keyboard as I typed and forgot to delete it from the title? Nope. This is kinda what it sounds like when my boys start talking to me. They still don't quite get that I'm not fluent in kinyarwanda, let alone understand enough to know what they're saying. They'll just walk right up to me and start sayin' stuff in kinyarwanda and then point some and then wait for my response, which is more or less an awkward silence as I shrug my shoulders and say: "simbiyumva ikinyarwanda (I don't understand kinyarwanda)." But then they'll KEEP talking to me in kinyarwanda. Silly kids. It reminds me of Finding Nemo where Squirt is giving Marlin and Dory a rundown of their exit route--- "Look, you're really cute and all, but I don't understand anything you're saying!" Yeah, my boys are cute, but I don't understand anything they're saying. Praise the Lord for translators.

Buuut, you aren't reading this blog because of my language woes. You might be wondering what a typical day is like with these little guys. Well, lemme tell ya, days with them are a hoot; there's never a dull moment and I'm never quite sure what's coming at me every day. I go into the day with some sort of plan, but within a matter of minutes it's disintegrated.

They come in to where I work (there are a couple classrooms next to my office) in the mornings and we'll have class until noon. I've been working with the lower grades, so we've being going over things like letters, numbers, shapes, colors, etc. They'll eat lunch at noon and then come back to class until 2-3 in the afternoon. After lunch we'll normally work on English and play a game of sorts (they're rather fond of musical chairs and Simon Says haha). After lunch I'll also read a Bible story to them, talk them through it, and have them ask questions.

After class is over I take care of their medical issues i.e. their cuts, bruises, gaping wounds, and infections. I swear I'm going to leave Rwanda as a medical professional. You wouldn't BELIEVE some of the stuff that these kids come in with. I've been an athlete my whole life and have had my fair share of bruises and gaping wounds, but the stuff that these kids have make ME nauseous.

As I said before, every day is a different day and there is never a dull moment. I teach the lessons that we don't think twice about, such as the importance of not stealing, not lying, and not fighting. Then there are the classroom rules that I have to establish here that would never be a rule in a classroom in the US. For instance, this morning I walk into class where the boys are waiting for me. One runs up with a water bottle full of GRASSHOPPERS. Now, mind you, these things are bright green and are about as long as your finger. I had one fly into my face this past week when closing my curtains at home, so, naturally, when I saw a water bottle full of creepiness, I screamed and about ran out of the classroom. Of course, the boys thought it was hysterical, so everyone started pulling grasshoppers out of their POCKETS. I screamed again and tried to get the boys to throw them outside. That's when my translator explained to me that they had caught them so they could eat them later (no joke). It was quite the predicament; do I make the boys throw away their food or do I suck it up and let them keep them? It's Africa, so I made it a rule that the grasshoppers that are to be eaten later MUST be kept in their pockets, NOT in their hands during class, and AWAY from my face at all times. And water bottles full of grasshoppers must be kept on the opposite side of the room. Save it for snack time, boys.

heaven rejoices

Today is a good day because Heaven rejoices grandly today. The angels are going crazy and God is delighted. There is party going down along the streets of gold. Why?

At least 15 of my boys placed their trust in Jesus today.

I don't have a play-by-play account, no dramatic story...just the grace and miracle of God, which in itself is amazing. It's the same grace and the same miracle that drew me to Himself almost five years ago. It's the same grace and miracle that overcame many distractions from the Word in the past week (such as a bleeding child). It's the same grace and miracle that did something in these boys hearts that they couldn't help but be silent as they heard about the great love of Jesus. It was the love, grace, and work of God that led the boys to stand up, to come to the front of the classroom, and one-by-one explain to my translator and I the decision they were making and what it meant to them.

It was a gift of God to hear these boys say that they want to follow the Lord, love the Lord, be close to the Lord, and obey the Lord. It was a gift of God to be able to help the boys pray and hear 15ish voices at the same time (though, in a language I don't understand) ask Jesus to come into their lives. And it was a gift of God to pray with them and over them as their lives have changed forever.

Salvation isn't about big, dramatic voice-in-the-sky stories. It's about God's love and His grace. That's what's so amazing.

Pray for these boys. Pray they would grow up to be men of God who love Him and treasure Him.

october in pictures

My friend, Steph, and I riding a boda boda (Uganda's motorcycle taxis)

Visiting the nursery school that Steph worked at in Uganda. Yes, the kid is picking their nose and yes, they went crazy over my 5-toed shoes.

We finally finished the home visits that were necessary to getting the next group of boys started. This is  one of the new boys (little guy bottom right) and his family.

I discovered a good place to study for my upcoming final exam for the theology class I've been taking. Has a pretty awesome view of Rwanda AND WiFi! 

My youngest sister's birthday was this month. I had the boys sing her a little somethin' :)

My first home-made breakfast that did not involve eating my body weight in doughnuts. I made chapati (the tortilla-like thing that you see) from scratch and had eggs with tomatoes and onions with it. Also had mango and pineapple and yes, a Sprite. Breakfast of champions. Total cooking time (at least for the chapati anyway): 3 hours. Crazy.

We got shelves installed in our kitchen! So now everything doesn't have to be out on the counters! Our shelves were very exciting until we woke up the next morning to find mold all over them. They were cleaned and painted today, so hopefully we'll go back to our excitement :)

One of the boys, Fabrice, lost his first tooth! He was so excited. What a cutie :)

redefining normal

I was doing home visits last week for the next group of boys coming into the program and I realized, as I bounced all over the place in the back of a rugged van on a dirt road with six Rwandan boys, that my life right now has a whole new definition of normal. Yeah sure, normal now in my daily life means eating a ton of beans and rice, being in the house at 6pm because that's when the sun sets, learning the various handshakes and greetings, using jumbled bits of kinyarwanda to buy things at the market and to get around the city on a moto, making sure my mosquito net is tucked into my bed at night because spiders might get in otherwise (yes, I said spiders), and taking showers via bucket. These things are little things of my new normal. Then there are the bigger things that are forever changing my world view because now that I have seen these things, I can never go back to living and thinking the way I used to. I can no longer live in ignorance. Things like:

Going to visit a family and their house is made of mud and the whole thing is 9 feet by 9 feet at most. And 8 people live and sleep under that roof.

Watch a boy who's only as tall as my waist level search frantically for his bag to put his rain-drenched notebooks in because that little drawstring bag is one of the most valuable things he owns. He is also HIV positive. 

Listen to a single mom of seven children tell her story of how she had to leave her abusive husband and live with her mother because she doesn't have a job and can't pay rent for a house.

Watch an older sister struggle to remember where her mother is and who her father is. She and her 4 siblings all have different fathers too. 

Pray for a miracle with and for a family of 12 who are getting kicked out of their house because they haven't been able to pay rent in two months. 

Give praise to a 13 year-old boy because he finally learned how to correctly read and say "caterpillar."

Travel to homes that are located in places where the only possible way to get to them is to hike for 15 minutes literally up the side of a mountain after driving on a dirt road for what seems like forever. 

And there are more stories like these. Every day I interact with these kinds of families and these kinds of boys. And every day I am thankful that God has given me the chance to be a part of their lives and that they are a part of mine.

something so simple

As a Christian there are many things about God that I take for granted and brush over because I hear it so often. Things like:

God is good.

God is with me.

God is loving.

Sound familiar? I'm sure. Phrases like these are plastered on bumper stickers and key chains and said nonchalantly in passing conversations (and by no means am I downplaying those bumper stickers or key chains). We hear them so often that we forget how truly amazing each of these are, I know I definitely do. 

I forget until I'm plopped into a situation where these three truths are all I really have. Living in Africa as a missionary is one of those situations. Everything I have ever known or am familiar with is gone. Everything I have ever depended on is not here to hold my hand. Every familiar face is nowhere nearby.  Every daily routine has changed dramatically. Every comfort or distraction I used to run to has been stripped from my side. Every way I have ever communicated is useless. Every way I have ever built relationships no longer seems to work. So what is my go-to? What is my constant? God has to be or I won't make it through a day with sanity. What is my greatest comfort every day in a place and around people that are so unfamiliar? It is something so simple, the simple truth that we hear all the time and take for granted: God is with me. When everything else is unfamiliar, the one thing that is familiar is my God. And it is this familiar God that is with me, as He has promised. I've been listening to a lot of Charlie Hall since being here and one part of one of his songs has stuck with me daily. It's from his song "Constant:"

"God, You are here with us, constantly here with us.

You are our everything, Faithful and True."

I will often listen to this song in the morning while I'm waiting for water to boil so I can make my coffee in a french press (oh, how I miss coffee makers and Keurigs). I can look out the kitchen window and see a lot of the city of Kigali and mountain after mountain. As I begin my day with coffee and Charlie Hall, I remember that the great Maker of those mountains and of this city is the same God who is constantly here with me, never leaving even when everything else is unfamiliar.

Now I turn to some other circumstances, but also still immersed in the same living-in-Africa situation. I compare to it to being like a bug trapped under a cup. God has me in a season of isolation, a season where there is nowhere I can turn or escape, a season where I can't see the road two feet in front of me. But it is also a season of being surrounded by Him, where I am hemmed in on every side. Heavy heartedness has marked this season as I have lost friends and solid relationships have fallen out. God has been teaching me hard and difficult lessons. He has also been disintegrating every plan I've had and leading me in a direction I always thought I would run from. Seasons of isolation such as these aren't as unfamiliar; I have battled depression for the past eight years and the bug under a cup feeling is a common occurrence with that battle. Even when I just want to lie in the middle of the floor and say, "I'm throwing in the towel, I'm done," I look at the circumstances, know that God has ordained them, and know that God is doing a mighty mighty work for His glory and in my life that is beyond my comprehension. This is where the other truths that seem so simple and overused become incredible and a huge comfort. It's something so simple: God is good and God is loving. God is good despite what the circumstances might look like; He is good because His purposes through these circumstances are what's best. God is loving despite how difficult it is; He is loving because He never leaves me for one moment and it's through these circumstances that draws me closer to Himself.

It's something so simple that sustains me every day. Even when I saw none of this coming, it's something so simple that helps me get up in the morning and know without a doubt that He has me here in Rwanda at this very moment for a reason. It's something so simple and it's all I need, He's all I need. 

diaries of a mzungu: motos and mi casa

I don't know if I've mentioned the term "mzungu" before, but in case I haven't allow me to explain. "Mzungu" literally means "white person" in kinyarwanda (the common language here). It's not a derogatory term, it's just what they call white people, whether it be Americans or Europeans. Even though I might not understand the language most of the time, it's very easy to pick out the term "mzungu" in a sentence, therefore, very easy to know if people are talking about me as I'm walking down the street :) Being a mzungu has its disadvantages; you get stared at like you have arms growing out of your face, you get charged ridiculous prices for pretty much everything (but when I argue back with the little kinyarwanda I know, they tend to resort to the "Rwandan" price), people look at you, see your white skin, and think money money money (which I don't have much of), and did I mention you get stared at a lot? Most days I'm not a fan of being white, but it does have its advantages. If I were to walk across the street, I'm less likely to get hit by a car because the punishment for harming a mzungu is worse than for harming a Rwandan (kinda corrupt, I know, but it works out for me). And it's pretty easy to track down a moto because the moto drivers think that because I'm white I'm lost and need serious help getting to where I need to go.

ANYWAY...speaking of motos.

Motos are the common taxis here and they are motorcycles. Yes, I ride on the back of a motorcycle to get to my every day places. There are regular car taxis, but those are significantly more expensive; taking a moto is dirt cheap. Besides, car taxis aren't nearly as much...fun? It's always an adventure taking a moto.

Number one, the drivers speak zero to little English. Take a white girl like me, who speaks zero to little kinyarwanda, throw in the guy who speaks zero to little English and who's supposed to get me from point A to point B, and you've got quite a mess of sign language and directions. If I'm desperate I'll call a Rwandan friend and have them talk to the moto driver on the phone.

Number two, you think the initial part of telling the moto driver where to go is tricky? Just wait until he starts driving. Sometimes even he doesn't know where to go, so the new white girl in town (me) has to direct the non-English-speaking driver around a city where I'm still learning where everything is.

Number three, the actual driving. Some drivers are better than others, like in the US, except with fewer driving rules. They fly over speed bumps, they weave in and out of the lane against oncoming traffic, sometimes they stop at stop lights and sometimes they don't, and they squeeze in between two lanes of cars due to impatience (I swear I'm going to lose a kneecap due to hitting a car's side mirror one of these days). Oh, and sometimes as they're weaving in the lane or flying over speed bumps they'll talk on the phone. And cobblestone roads are not your friend.

Number four, the adventure calms down here, as paying the driver is probably the easiest part. I know what it costs to get to various places from home, so if they try to rip me off I at least know how to say "no, that's too much money" in kinyarwanda.

So there you have it. Moto adventures. I will admit, it does fulfill my adrenaline needs.

I'll leave you with a YouTube video tour of my apartment, since I know most of your are curious as to what it looks like and pictures are nowhere near adequate.

the little things

Culture shock paid me a visit last week. It wasn't pleasant. I've been here almost two weeks and already there have been a couple days where I've wondered, "What the heck am I doing?!" There have been times where I would certainly prefer curling up on my couch with my dog with a glass of wine in hand and fall asleep to a movie over battling stomach issues, being in a place where I can't understand the language being spoken, and sometimes having no running water. It's the little things that I miss. Yes, I miss being a phone call away from my family. I miss randomly showing up at friends' houses to watch Friends. I miss my church and the familiar faces inside it. I miss coaching softball. I miss being able to watch my Hokie football dominate on Saturday and my Dolphins more than likely lose on Sunday. I miss being a short drive away from Panera and ice cream. I will admit I miss getting back scratches. Yes, I do miss these things. I miss what's comfortable and familiar. Guess what? I'm human.

However, once the wave has rolled over...

I remember what God did to bring me to this exact place. I remember all the things that He has provided. I remember that's it's not my own strength that helps me through. I remember that it's not a passion that I gave to myself, it's God's passion for these kids that becomes my daily strength. It's the little things that remind me why I'm here. It might be one of the boys running into the office to give me a hug with a huge grin on his face. It might be the squeal of a little girl next door as she runs over wanting to give the mzungus (white people) a hug. It might be the "What did you learn in school today?" or "Be good and have a good day at school tomorrow!" that comes out of my mouth and I realize that I'm practicing to be a mom already. It might be seeing the dependency that the people here have on God and how it makes me re-examine my own dependency on Him. Most days it's knowing that the next 50 boys coming through the program will be changed throughout the next year.

Every day it's knowing that the work that I'm doing here for a year is worth SO MUCH MORE than enjoying what's comfortable for the rest of the time.

My little thing for today:

Seeing all the boys in their school uniforms on the first day of the term.

Keep praying. I'm in for a ride. And I yearn to keep my eyes on what is above throughout it all. 

just the beginning

Day three in Rwanda has come and gone and from the very minute that I stepped off the plane life has been different. Life is simple. It's a different routine than what I'm used to and I'm having to re-learn how and where to buy certain things, how to communicate, how to travel, how to get from work to home and from home to work, and even how to shower. But it's all simple. There aren't many distractions and I'm a huge fan of that. One thing I have noticed is that such a drastic change in lifestyle has really created a spirit of thankfulness and rejoicing. It's the littlest things that bring a smile to my face and it's by living here that I see how much of my daily life I have to be thankful about:

I rejoice because it rained today.
I rejoice because the baby that I can hear crying beneath my window has a roof over his head in the rain.
I rejoice because we have running water.
I rejoice that I was able to find wire and nails to hang a shower curtain. 
I rejoice because the radio that our neighbor likes to play at odd hours of the night beneath my window will play an occasional country song (it brings an even bigger smile to my face to hear Rwandans try to sing country music).
I rejoice because the boys at the Dream Center were able to put together their very own "Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See?" book as a craft...and they just learned how to use scissors and glue.
I rejoice because the church in Rwanda is alive. 
I rejoice because God is the Great Provider every day for most of the people I see and meet.
I rejoice because God has allowed me to live in one of the greatest places on earth, despite what it might look like from the outside.

What I'm really excited about is the fact that this one year in Rwanda isn't just some short-term adventure that will come and fade away. This is just the beginning. God is just now moving into motion what He gave me a passion for four years ago: to make His name known and praised in Central Eastern Africa. I'm excited because He will work in ways I can't begin to imagine. I'm excited because I'm right where I'm supposed to be. My life isn't being put on pause for a year. For me, this is just the beginning of my life. This is but a taste of what is to come. Tonight, I go to bed with a smile on my face because I am living in Rwanda with the chance to love serve His people and those that have yet to know Him.

The view of Rwanda from my apartment

real life

I'll set the stage a little bit. As I'm thinking through and writing this post I've got the YouTube video of David After the Dentist running through my head. While it's not necessarily how I'm reacting, it's a good laugh. My friends and I reference this quite often.

So it's official. I will leave Washington DC on August 22nd at 5:49 in the evening and will land in Kigali on August 23rd at 6:45 in the evening. The ticket is bought, I have my seat, and my reservation shows up on the United Airlines website. I had sent an email a few weeks ago to the Africa New Life staff in Rwanda letting them know when I would arriving in Rwanda and after I hit the send button, it hit me all at once. I'm. Going. To. Rwanda. This is real life.

I've watched God bring everything together in ways that I didn't expect through the least likely of people. I've been humbled and reminded that none of this is in my own power. I've been put in so many circumstances that forces me remember that God is faithful and true and that not for one second does He ever leave me. I've learned that there is nothing that I can do to thwart God's sovereign plans and purposes. He will have His way whether I cooperate or not. Above all this, I've learned that He is all I need. Regardless of what else looks good or comfortable or even rational, He is all I need. I found a quote from John Bunyan that has been sticking with me:

"I was driven to such straits that I must of necessity go to Jesus; and if He

had met me with a drawn sword in His hand, I would sooner have thrown

myself on the edge of His sword than have gone away from Him; for I know

Him to be my last hope."

He is my last hope, depite whatever comes...and a lot is about to come. I'm excited, don't get me wrong, I can't wait to see how God will move and work. He has gone to such great lengths to get me here that I can only anticipate great and miraculous things. And I can anticipate that I will know Him in ways that I have never known Him before.

He is my last hope and He will do what He has promised. 

This is real life.

an unforgettable sound

The hymn "It is Well" has been playing over and over in my head since the beginning of June. At my CTEN orientation, we would start out mornings with worship. It was quite an experience and privilege to worship with 30 or so other missionaries. There is something so comforting and encouraging about being in fellowship with other missionaries; so many in the same place with the same core passion. Even though we are of all ages, going to serve in all the corners of the earth, come from different walks of life, and have various ministries, we have the same passion for God's name to be known across the world, in every tongue, tribe, and nation. And only God knows what lies ahead for each of us. Who knows, some of us might even die for our faith, but regardless the song on our hearts is this:

"When peace like a river attendeth my way,

When sorrows like sea billows roll,

Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say

It is well, it is well with my soul,

It is well with my soul."

I can't forget the sound of all of us singing this hymn. It's the sound of God's peace that surpasses any kind of understanding.

In the Garden

One of my favorite hymns. Dwell on it for a while and let it soak in.

In the Garden

I come to the garden alone

When the dew is still on the roses

And the voice I hear falling on my ear

The Son of God discloses

(Refrain)

And He walks with me and He talks with me,

And He tells me I'm His own;

And the joy we share as we tarry there,

None other has ever known.

He speaks and the sound of His voice,

Is so sweet the birds hush their singing,

And the melody that He gave to me

Within my heart is ringing

Refrain

I'd stay in the garden with Him

Thought the night around me be falling,

But He bids me go, through the voice of woe

His voice to me is calling.

Refrain

coram Deo

So you might have noticed the changes on/with my blog. The name change is probably most apparent, considering it changed languages. I've been wondering about changing it for a while, but could never settle on a new title. While "Chasing" was a great title to start my blog a couple years ago, it's time to move on along with all the other changes taking place in my life. "Coram Deo," a Latin term, has hit me in the face the past couple weeks and it has hit me so hard that I'm even considering getting it tattooed (kidding?).

"Coram Deo" means, in simple terms, before the face of God. It is to live one's entire life in the presence of God, under the authority of God, to the glory of God. It sounds like the essence of the Christian life to me. This blog post that I stumbled across does a wonderful job of explaining what living coram Deo might entail.

To many, the Christian life might seem complicated and governed by rules and do this and do that. It's not the case at all. The Christian life is a very simple life, but we make it complicated. When I hear coram Deo, I hear simple. All of life flows out of knowing Him and seeking Him. It's when our eyes are on Him that we live in His presence and find it to be our greatest joy. It's when our eyes are on Him that we sit at His feet and just watch Him carry out His plan in the ways that only He can do. It's when our eyes are on Him that our greatest concern is His glory and His universal praise. When our eyes are on Him, everything else is a mere trifle.

Our true lives flow out of His presence overflowing in us.

"But thanks be to God, who in Christ always leads us in triumphal procession, and through us spreads the fragrance of the knowledge of Him everywhere." -2 Corinthians 2:14

5 loaves and 2 fish

God makes something out of nothing, provides through the unknown, and is faithful through the unexpected. Kinda like when Jesus fed the 4,000 and the 5,000. And kinda like support-raising.

Support-raising has been an unexpectedly joyful journey for me. Not only has almost $10k come in in around three weeks, but also the majority of it has come from unexpected places and in unexpected ways. God has been turning pennies into dollars through my Amazon fundraiser and through selling the bracelets, necklaces, and bags. The majority of the support that has been raised has come from people that God has placed in my life in the past six months.

There have been people that I have met, they have supported me, and it's likely I won't see them ever again until Heaven.

There have been people that I have previously worked with who are contacting me and telling me they want to support me. I didn't even know they were believers.

There have been people that don't even know me on a personal level, they know me through someone who has been so helpful as to share my story, and have supported me. Then their relatives, whom I also don't know, also give something.

There have been people who I know probably aren't able to spare the finances, but do anyway.

There have been people I have met on the plane, perfect strangers, who have asked to be put on my support list.

Over and over and over again stories like these are happening, which means leaving for Rwanda the third week of August is slowly but surely becoming a reality. Day after day after day God is magnifying His faithfulness. Again and again God is displaying His ways and His plans that are so far beyond my imagination. And believe it or not, this support-raising process is probably the greatest comfort and encouragment in this season of my life, especially as I wrestle with some other difficult things. Through the five loaves and two fish, everything from the pennies to the faithful and unexpected people, God is paving the road to Rwanda and giving me a great light and hope in one of the more difficult seasons.

school supplies during the summer?!

 I know it's summer and all, but let me bring you back into school mode for a little bit. As I may have mentioned before, I am collecting ministry supplies to take over with me to Rwanda and the majority of these are school supplies! As you know, I will be working with a street boys tutoring program and unfortunately school supplies are not easy to come by in Rwanda. My soon-to-be partner in crime, Marie, has sent me a list of things that we'll need/are running low on that will help us to teach and better work with the boys. Supporting me through finances might be difficult for some of you, so this is another way you can help!

~Crayons

~Pens (these tend to get "lost" fairly easily and the ones in Rwanda leak)

~Pencil sharpeners

~Colored paper

~Band-aids (please please please)

~Spray-on bactine/antiseptic wipes

~White board markers and erasers

~Playing cards (used for math activities)

~Glue sticks

~Notebooks

~Red pens

~Highlighters

~Boys clothing

~Classroom decorations/posters (ex. parts of speech, time tables, etc.)

~Hard candy (good to use as incentives)

~Craft/art stuff (I'm not too artsy, so if anyone has any simple craft ideas let me know!)

~Kleenex packs

If you would like to help by donating any of these items please let me know! I will be sending a bag ahead of me to Rwanda on July 26th, so please have the item(s) to me by July 22nd. When you have an item ready, please let me know and I can pick it up from you. Thank you for your willingness to help! The boys are grateful for it as well!

sorry for the delay...

Sorry that it's been so long since an update, chaos has been the theme for the past month or so. So now that I have a breath of fresh air for a few days, I wanted to send along an update on what's been happening, what's currently going on, and what's soon to come.

As you might remember, I was the assistant softball coach at Hayfield High School this past spring season, which is where I played and graduated from. After starting the season a little concerned that we would get whooped, the girls worked hard, overcame expectations, and won the district! We won the first round of regional playoffs, but lost the second round to Oakton, which I may or may not be bitter about. Regardless, I'm very proud of all my girls and am blessed to have been a part of it! It may not have been an easy season (some other issues popped up halfway through the season), but I think it was very fruitful. Praise the Lord that He gave me energy and patience when I had absolutely none. I won't be back next season because I'll be in Rwanda, but I hope that whenever I'm in the US I'll be able to coach.

I was accepted with CTEN, which was a miracle on its own, and have started officially support-raising for Rwanda. For information on how to support me, click here. The support has already started coming in and I'm confident God will supply every last need. I can't buy my plane tickets until I have 75% of my ~$19,000 budget, so the sooner the better! If I had to put a date on it, I would probably like to buy my tickets no later than the third week of July. This is, of course, dependent on God's timing and provision. I've figured out that if 30 people give $25 a month, that will put me just under the 75% mark. Of course, I'm not saying I don't appreciate one-time gifts (I'm very grateful for ANY kind of support), I'm just putting the numbers in simple figures. And don't forget about the fundraisers and telling your friends about the fundraisers!

Speaking of CTEN, I have my orientation out in Texas NEXT WEEK! I'm trying to prepare to be blitzed with information. Please pray for the orientation and that it would better help me prepare for Rwanda and that I wouldn't be overwhelmed by the amount of information.

And speaking of Rwanda, it's coming up FAST! Two and a half months people! More and more details are starting to come together. I now know where I'll be living and that I'll be only working with the street boys tutoring program (there had been an earlier suggestion that I also teach English in the Bible college). Of course, things never really go as planned in Africa, so I'll just have to wait and see what lies ahead.

On a different note, I've been really wrestling with some personal matters, so prayer would be greatly appreciated. It's nothing alarming or drastic, so no worries, I just don't have the words or space to start to explain it.

I promise I'll try to do better with writing new posts and updates in a timely manner :)

fundraiser frenzy

As I mentioned in my previous post, I have (and will have) a couple of fundraisers going to help raise support for Rwanda. Here they are!

The Amazon fundraiser- this one has already been going and you probably already know about this one. If you forgot how it works or are just now learning about it, click here to go to a previous post that explains it. This is probably the easiest fundraiser to participate in and you can tell your friends as well! This fundraiser has been quite a success already and it has been amazing to watch God turn pennies into some significant funds. 

Yardsale- this one hasn't occurred yet, but it's in the planning. Stay tuned! 

Bracelets, Necklaces, and Bags, Oh My!- this fundraiser came about with the help of my wonderful friend Stephanie Frey, who is now currently in Uganda. She sold handmade Ugandan paper bead necklaces and bags and MudLove bracelets to raise support for Uganda and she had quite a bit leftover, so she gave them to me to sell to raise support for Rwanda. We will be splitting the proceeds, so if you buy a necklace, bracelet, or bag, you are supporting two missionaries to Africa with one purchase! What are these bracelets, necklaces, and bags you ask?

MudLove Bracelets

These bracelets are made of clay and every $5 spent buying these bracelets gave one African drinking water for an entire year! These bracelets are $7 each and there are three different messages you can choose from (seen above). There are also different bead colors to choose from. This is the inventory of what I have left:

7 "Grace"- 3 turquoise (beads), 3 light brown

6 "Fear Not"- 2 light brown, 1 black

All the "Courage" bracelets are sold!

Paper Bead Necklaces 

Handmade in Uganda, these necklaces are quite an eyecatcher. These necklaces are $10 each and there are a variety of colors to choose from. This is the inventory:

3 pink

2 green

1 yellow, black, brown, white, purple, blue, orange/white striped
1 pink/green striped
1 blues/white striped

Bags

These and bags/purses were also handmade in Uganda and have an "African feel" to them. The bags are $12 each and what you see in the pictures is what I have.

***The far left bag has been sold

So, if you would like to purchase any of the above either comment or email me and we can arrange a pick-up or a method of payment (if not local). Please let me know what item(s) and what color (if applicable). I am more than happy to ship your items to you as well.

support-raising shenanigans

Finally the details have arrived for support-raising for Rwanda! I was accepted to be a missionary with CTEN, so now I can officially start support-raising through them. Here are the cut-and-dry details:

4 ways to give support:

1. Prayer (I will update prayer requests both now and while in Rwanda)

2. Resources (such as supplies for the street kids program, that list will come later)

3. Fundraisers (info on these will be on a separate post)

4. Finances

2 means of giving funds:

1. A one-time gift

2. A monthly gift (you can either send in a check for a certain amount every month or have CTEN set up an automatic withdrawal from your bank account once a month)

3 methods of giving funds:

1. Mailing in a check to: Commission To Every Nation (or "CTEN"), PO Box 291307. Kerrville, Texas 78029-1307. Please do NOT write my name on the memo line, but be sure to include a separate note that specifies the funds to my name. You can mail checks for both one-time gifts and monthly gifts.

2. Calling CTEN at (800) 872-5404 to donate with a credit card or to set up an automatic withdrawal from your bank account for a monthly gift.

3. Give online by going to www.cten.org/kelseytalbot, clicking on the DONATE-USA button, and following the instructions until the transaction is complete. You can use a credit card for a one-time gift or set up an automatic withdrawal for a monthly gift. 

I cannot emphasize enough...PLEASE DO NOT PUT MY NAME ON THE MEMO LINE OF CHECKS! If you do, it will take away the tax-deductible aspect of your donation. 

Also, I have to raise a total of approximately $19,000 and I can't buy my plane tickets until I have at least 75% of my budget. I'm hoping to leave the third week of August, so the sooner the better :)

I am extremely grateful for ANY kind of support given and I'm grateful for each of you! If you have any questions feel free to contact me!

wows, pows, distractions, and pet peeves

Alright, so I haven't had the words to describe how the past month has been, so I'm putting it in list form. Note: wows and pows are highs and lows; the terms were coined in the Bible studies I have led and been a part of. "Wow" is obviously our reaction to awesome things and "pow" is the sucker punch that comes with crappy things. Distractions and pet peeves are self-explanatory. This might be all over the place, but if anything I hope this will make you chuckle.

Wow- My youngest sister placed her faith in Jesus on April 18th (Happy Birthday, Madison)! God answered a four-year prayer.

Pow- Inability to focus and the spiritual warfare that has been raging on.

Distraction- "Liking" friends' engagement/married statuses and stalking their engagement/wedding pictures. I can name off the top of my head 15 couples that are engaged. These do not include those who have already gotten married, those who are going to get engaged, or those not of the top of my head.

Pet Peeve- Speaking of weddings and engagements, it really irks me when a conversation goes like this: Other Person- "Sooo, are you dating anyone?" Me- "Nope." Other Person- "Ohhh. Well there's this one single guy I know who I'm pretty sure loves Jesus. He'd be the perfect husband for you!" I could really go on a rant about this, but I'll refrain.

Wow- Francis Chan sermon. Enough said. Click here.

Pow- The 21 year-old (aka me) having to be the only adult acting like an adult in a professional setting (long story).

Distraction- Hockey playoffs. C-A-P-S CAPS CAPS CAPS!

Wow- God coming through financially every. single. time.

Pow- Seasons of refinement...they stink, even though they are for my good.

Wow- Figuring out where I'll live in Rwanda!

Pow- The rather long (and impatient on my part, whoops) waiting to hear back from CTEN.


Wow- Getting a substituting job!

That's what I got. Take it or leave it.

100 days of prayer

This April marked the 18th anniversary of the genocide in Rwanda. On April 6, 1994 the Hutu president was assassinated and thus launched 100 days of brutal genocide. This is my first year having some grasp on what happened in Rwanda and my first year of remembering this anniversary. While I am not an advocate of dwelling  and remaining on the past and the tragedies it holds, I am an advocate of remembering for the purpose of learning, moving forward, and trusting God's faithfulness. And it's the remembrance of this anniversary of the genocide that leads me to prayer. I have been praying for Rwanda, and I know many of you have as well, as I have been preparing to go back in August. And I will continue to earnestly pray for Rwanda specifically for the next 100 days during this memorial season. Join me in praying for Rwanda in these ways to start, I'm sure God will bring to mind more ways to pray.

Above all that the Gospel would spread to the unreached and that disciples for Jesus would be made

That the people of Rwanda would look to God for healing and Jesus for hope in light of the genocide

For the ministries on the ground, such as Africa New Life Ministries, International Justice Mission, Africa Inland Mission, and World Vision, and their labor in the Lord.

For continuing forgiveness and reconciliation

For the children as the upcoming generation of godly leaders and for God's provision for their education and future opportunities 

For political and economic stability and continued reformation

For the churches and its growth, leadership, and ministries

That the poverty level and AIDS/HIV epidemic would decrease

For this city on a hill to be God's light in a dark world!

"and My people who are called by My name, humble themselves, pray and seek My face, and turn from their evil ways, then I will hear from heaven, forgive their sin, and heal their land." 2 Chronicles 7:14

what's the deal with the Amazon box?

While I know that you probably don't stalk my blog on a daily basis, I do know that some of you get my posts sent directly to your email. If this is the case, you probably haven't noticed the Amazon search box that suddenly appeared on the right sidebar of my blog. If you have been to my blog recently, you're probably wondering what the heck it's doing there and if I'm THAT obsessed with Amazon to advertise for them. While I'll admit that I love Amazon, allow me to explain.

I have started a fundraiser for Rwanda through Amazon by being approved to be an Amazon Associate. Basically, you buy things from Amazon and I get a portion of the proceeds via check, which I will put towards Rwanda. THE KICKER IS THAT YOU MUST START FROM MY BLOG! You must must MUST begin your item search from the search box on my blog; there isn't a way to "manually" apply your purchase to my profile/account. It doesn't matter what items you search, how many different searches you do, or how many items you add or remove from your cart, once you initiate your Amazon shopping from my search box it will automatically connect it to my account. For every purchase I receive a certain percentage, which is currently 4%, and that percentage increases as more products are purchased. The number of items is totaled and restarted each month. For example, right now I receive 4% for this month and a total of four items have been bought. If three more items are bought before the end of this month, that percentage will increase to 6%. When next month starts, the total number of items begins at zero and goes back down to 4%. I know some of you didn't necessarily need to know all those details, but I want you all to be informed as much as possible. So let's review:

1. Go to my blog and find the Amazon search box (on the right sidebar)

2. Type in what you're looking for on Amazon and click GO!

3. Go about your typical Amazon shopping business

4. VOILA! You have just helped me get closer to Rwanda

It is by far the easiest fundraiser on the face of the planet. Dollars and pennies add up, friends! The $3.21 that I've earned so far might not look like a lot, but I'm $3.21 closer to $20k! And tell your friends! Spread my blog site around! Advertise it on your Facebook page! Put a sticky note next to your computer reminding you to go to my blog first! That's a lot of exclamation points...for good reason.

If you have any questions about how this all works, feel free to leave a comment or ask me!

you know you're in Africa when...

It seems like the flies that are biting through your clothes are invincible...until you hit them with a bubbles container.

Saying that you hurt your ankle saving orphans from a charging water buffalo could actually be a legitimate story.

You have what could be a broken ankle and realize that there aren't any elevators or escalators in the airport.

There aren't any taxes!

A typical taxi is a motorcycle...and you've seen families of four (excluding the driver!) ride on one. 

A mosquito net is your best friend at night..and so is Ambien.

It starts to rain and everyone drops everything to celebrate.

Your ride into town shows up two hours late...sometimes not at all.

Geckos and cockroaches join you in your shower.

Cows are the source of traffic.

Airport security "pat-downs" are a little bit sketchy...

Depending on how you wave to a child, you could be telling them "hello," "come here," or calling a dog.

You have so much dirt up your nose that it takes at least two tissues to clean it out at the end of the day.

Speaking of dirt, the cloud of dirt forever hovers over the back seat.

You get charged more for items at the market than the Rwandan standing behind you because you're white (a mzungu) and don't know any better.

Meat on a stick on the street is a...novelty?

The only thing you can find that remotely resembles a wheelchair is a rolling computer chair.

Along those same lines, the only thing you can find in the market that comes close to helping you get around with a bum ankle is a cane with a sword inside, which you can't buy because you can't take it on the plane as a carry-on. 

It's a necessity to lock your door at all times because baboons will come in and steal your clothes. 

There is a hugging system you have to figure out because every Rwandan seems to hug differently.

ibyi rin giro

This post will be on a more solemn note, considering this will contain details about one of the most horrific events in history. As you are probably aware, one of the most brutal and quickest genocides in history took place in Rwanda in 1994. Roughly one million Rwandan Tutsis and moderate Hutus were slaughtered in the short time-span of 100 days. Rwanda had been steeped in tribal/ethnic tension and violence since its colonization days. When Belgium overtook the country in the early 1900s, they put the minority Tutsi tribe in power, seeing them as  more superior, in addition to implementing an identification system between the two tribes. The resentment of the Hutu tribe continued to build and they overthrew the Tutsi government when Belgium pulled out in the 1960s. The years leading up to the genocide were filled with political tension, civil war, and massacres of the Tutsis; the Hutus viewed the Tutsis as inyenzi, a Kinyarwanda word meaning "cockroach," and were determined to eliminate them. In April 1994, the Hutu president's plane was shot down and even though to this day no one knows the responsible party, the Tutsis were blamed and the killing spree began. Hutus went door-to-door torturing, mutilating, and killing every Tutsi, and any Hutus helping Tutsis, with machetes, clubs, axes, and guns. No mercy was shown to any Tutsi, not to even children, women, or the elderly. Neighbors killed neighbors, co-workers killed co-workers, family killed family, and even pastors helped to kill members in their own congregations. Hundreds of thousands of women were raped during the genocide, which resulted in the AIDS/HIV epidemic in Rwanda. The brutality of the genocide is unfathomable; I was told numerous stories that I won't even dare post here. The genocide ended three months later in July 1994 after the Rwandan Patriotic Front (RPF), a force containing Tutsi refugees and moderate Hutus, captured the capital, Kigali.

The genocide broke the country to pieces and it is continuing to rebuild itself. Though far from restored, God has brought this country a long long way since 1994. There is forgiveness, there is reconciliation, there is healing. Neighbors are forgiving neighbors and friends are reconciling with friends though it was these same neighbors and friends who murdered their families. By God's great hand and healing Rwandans are beginning to live together again. Many of the genocide killers and perpetrators are being tried, convicted, and imprisoned. And things are looking up for the education systems and economy.

Yet there is still healing to be done. I visited two genocide memorials while I was there; one in Kigali and one in a town called Nyamata. The memorial in Kigali is what I call the words of the genocide and is around the same caliber of impact as the Holocaust memorial in DC. The outside portion of this memorial had some gardens, three mass graves, and a memorial wall similar to that of the Vietnam memorial wall.

Window looking down and in to one of the mass graves

Memorial wall

The mass graves were roughly half a football field long, 15 feet wide, and 10-15 feet deep into the ground. They were each filled with coffins and each coffin could hold the remains of up to ten people. Remains are still being found in the land surrounding the memorial, so mass graves are still being built and filled. The memorial wall lists the names of the known victims in just the Kigali area, so it doesn't include the unknown or those in neighboring towns. The first thing I noticed when I looked at the list of names was the common occurrence of eight, nine, or ten people having the same last name---entire families were slaughtered and wiped out. The inside portion of this memorial was mostly about the history of the genocide, so it included colonization days, the events leading up to the genocide, the political background, the events of the genocide itself, and the aftermath of the genocide. The brutality of the genocide became real to me at this memorial when I walked through the hall that was dedicated to the kids that were killed during the genocide. As I saw pictures of individual kids and a summary of their name, their age, their favorite food, their favorite animal...then how they died. 15 month-old smashed against a wall, two year-old macheted in his mother's arms, five year-old stabbed in the eyes and head. These were kids and they were shown no mercy. I began wondering how man could be so evil as to kill kids; I was actually quite enraged by it. The other memorial wasn't any less sobering. This memorial in Nyamata is what I call the picture of the genocide and the impact it has is indescribable. This memorial is a preserved location of a mass slaughter of the genocide...it's a church where approximately 10,000 people were killed. In previous times of massacres, Tutsis fled to churches because it was seen and kept as a place of safety and refuge and as a result, people fled to this church during the genocide. All rules, respects, and formalities were tossed out the window during the genocide, so the killers marched right up and started killing at first with just machetes, axes, and clubs. Then government militia came in with guns and explosives and they locked the door to the church and started throwing grenades and bombs at the thousands that were trapped inside the church. The site itself is still standing and you can actually walk through the church where this mass slaughter occurred. Obviously it has been cleaned up and corpses removed (though it was up until recently that piles of bones and remains were left in the church), but you can still see the bullet holes, shrapnel marks, and blood stains. The clothes of the victims are stacked all over the church; you can kind of picture what 10,000 people actually look like. The remains are in mass graves outside of the church and the caskets in these mass graves can hold the remains of up to thirty people. You can go down into one of the mass graves, which resembles a cellar, and on display are shelves and shelves and shelves of skulls and bones. This memorial shook me more than I anticipated and for reasons I won't get into here, I will probably never go back. I've seen it once and I don't need to see it again.

A couple thoughts about all of this. I think that someone in my shoes wanting to serve long-term in Rwanda, especially, ought to visit a memorial like Nyamata. Part of living among a different culture and people requires learning about them and in this case the genocide is a huge part of these people and their past. I personally don't think any amount of googling or reading could match the experience of seeing the aftermath and hearing stories from Rwandans themselves. While we will NEVER fully understand the impact of the genocide and what atrocities happened during that time, we should attempt to understand part of the genocide and its impact. Which leads me to another thought: we will NEVER fully understand the genocide, its effects, and its involvement with everyday life, which can be a tough one to swallow. I saw an aspect of my American ignorance by realizing how I had once assumed that the genocide was a horrific event that happened in the past, but that it was just an event that everyone has come to move on from or let drift from mind. How very wrong I was; the genocide affected everyone and it is a very real part of their everyday lives. While I desire to minister to these people, there is a part of them I'll never understand regardless of how much I want to. From my psychology background and the lack of it in Rwanda, I can't help but wonder about the post-traumatic stress these people must go through and how people can actually live on day in and day out, especially if someone is a survivor of genocide attacks. There is no amount of human counseling or help that could ever heal the holes, hurt, and pain that the genocide left. I realized that the future of this country has to depend on God's healing and any hope of restoration has to be found in Jesus. This actually helps to counter the temptation to believe that I, the Westerner, hold the answer and it humbles me to ask, "what can I honestly bring to this place and to these people?" I wrestled with this question during a team debrief one night and was encouraged by the statement: "One child at a time." The future of Rwanda and its healing and restoration depend on God's work through the upcoming generations, which is why it's absolutely crucial to invest in the children of Rwanda. By teaching them, by God's grace and help, the things that I have taken for granted here in the US they become enabled to become godly leaders and citizens of Rwanda who are lights in Rwanda's darkness and lights in this world. The potential that Rwanda has to glorify God is astounding; imagine how much glory He could receive through this country forgiving, healing, and reconciling after such a devastating history! Not only is Rwanda literally a city on a hill (known as the Land of a Thousand Hills), but this little Maryland-sized country smack-dab in the middle of Africa has the potential to be God's city on a hill illuminating His light in such a dark and fallen world. This is why when I think of Rwanda, the phrase "ibyi rin giro" comes to mind, which is translated "hope in the midst of distress." There is hope for healing in Rwanda and God will not relent!

tia = this is Africa

So, the question you might be thinking is, "So what are you actually going to do in Rwanda, Kelsey?" Good question. The shortest answer is that I won't know entirely until I get there because THIS IS AFRICA we're talking about. Things change so often that they are almost unpredictable. Programs and projects get added, changed, or shut down. You go with the flow and get by on the fly. In fact, this is how my meeting about going back to Rwanda went with Fred, the vice president of ANLM:

(After some discussion about my gifts, calling, and testimony)
Fred: So, when can you come to Rwanda?

Me: August.

Fred: Alright then, start support raising. If you get the support, we'll see you in August. If you don't get it, then God really doesn't want you here.

There you have it. It's a roll-with-it kind of functioning. And boy, I really wish you could have witnessed that meeting. Rwandan meetings are, by far, one of the most amusing things to be a part of.

Anyway, you're not reading this post for me to tell you, "I don't know." It's also quite difficult to explain that on support letters, HOWEVER, I do have a plan and I hold all of it with an open hand. As of right now I intend to work with the street kids tutoring program at the Dream Center in Kigali. Let me back up a second to explain some background information about Africa New Life's work on the ground. There are four main locations where ANLM has programs running. There is the Dream Center in Kigali, which is where I spent a lot of my time during my trip, and it is the location of ANLM headquarters, New Life Bible Church (the main church), vocational training classes for men and women, the up and coming Bible college, the street kids feeding program (which was recently shut down by the Rwandan government), and some classrooms that are used for the street kids tutoring program. The other three locations are Bugesera, which has a school, Kayonza, which has a school, church, and girls and boys homes, and Kageyo, which has a school and church. Kageyo is the refugee village that I mentioned before in a previous post.

Back to the tutoring program. This program, started last August by the current intern/missionary, Marie, is the bridge between being on the street and being individually sponsored. Originally 50 boys, ages 6-14ish, were selected from the feeding program and for four months were taught the bare basics such as hygiene, appropriate behavior, social skills and basic math, English, and writing. It was during these four months that relationships were built as well. Thanks to a generous donation, this group of boys was able to be sponsored to start school in January (their school year runs from January to November) and then 50 more boys were added to the program. So every day after school, these 100 boys come back to the Dream Center to receive more tutoring and help with their homework. Everything that is taught is from a Christian character and the program is a wonderful avenue for teaching about the Bible and Jesus along with discipleship. The boys are split up into two groups based on academic level and Marie works with one group while a Rwandan staff member works with the other. There are a couple catches to this program. Number one, planning lessons ahead is nearly IMPOSSIBLE because every day is so different. Lessons are based on what the boys are struggling with and that varies from day to day and you never know what they need help with until they get to the Dream Center in the afternoons. Number two, the varying ages creates a challenging developmental dynamic from a psychological point of view. For example, you might have a thirteen year-old and a nine year-old and they are both in the third grade. Kids learn in different ways at different ages.

Overall, though, every day makes a difference in these kids lives. The point of this program is to help kids transition from a street kids mentality to being a godly, functional, and successful student and citizen of Rwanda. This program helps to enable these kids to have opportunities they otherwise wouldn't be able to have. I spent a few days with these boys helping to tutor them and answering their many many MANY questions (one eleven year-old even asked me to pray for a wife for him haha). It's hard to forget their faces and impossible to forget the sound of their voices saying, "Teacher! Teacher! Help me to read this!" They're thirsty to learn. It's also extremely hard to forget the boys that fell asleep on my lap because they are so tired by the time school is done; some of these boys wake up before sunrise so they can walk an hour to go get water for their families for the day, walk an hour to get to school, go to school, go to the Dream Center, walk the hour back home, and then walk to go fetch water again. Bottom line, every day is about loving those kids so that they know they are adored by their Father in Heaven. There are reasons why this is so, but I don't have enough space to really get into it.

Some of the younger boys in the tutoring program

In addition, I talked with the headmaster of the school at Kayonza when we spent a day there and there is also the possibility of working with an English program in the school, which is why it was recommended for me to get TEFL/TESOL certified. When the headmaster learned that I have a degree in psychology, he was very excited about it; he is hoping that some sort of counseling program will be started there soon as well. It would be basic counseling for teachers, such as behavioral management (stuff I learned in my freshman year psych classes) and basic counseling in general (stuff I learned in my senior year psych classes). So, to everyone who thought that going to Africa would be wasting my psych degree, think again! It's actually extremely valuable because Rwanda doesn't have much access to that kind of information and training. 

This is the plan I hold with an open hand, knowing that it will more than likely change. I go to be used at whatever expense is needed. By going to Rwanda, sticking to schedules, agendas, and to-do lists will be stripped from my life; it's not how things work in Africa. Things work because God makes them work and the people know that and live by that. God doing big things is a daily occurrence. This is Africa.  

growing pains

I knew months before going to Rwanda that the trip was going to be a process of growth and learning. Well that was an understatement. It was a process of growth and learning through which I was launched out of my comfort zone and put into situations that forced me to rely on God for my every word and action. I went into the Rwanda trip almost blind. I knew I needed to spend significant time with the current intern/missionary, Marie, and I generally knew that this trip was to determine if I would go back in August. Besides that I didn't know at all who to talk to or where or when or what about. I didn't know what my schedule was going to be like. I didn't know what specific questions to ask. I didn't know what details needed to be figured out before I left Rwanda. I didn't even know what I would do if I were to return in August; I knew of the tutoring program that Marie started and runs, but I didn't know entirely about it. I basically knew NOTHING. What made the situation more fun was that the Rwanda trip was my first time where I had to take care of everything myself (as a real live grown-up) without the help, guidance, and connections from other adults in my life. In fact, a friend/mentor knew most (if not all) of the details I needed to know, but chose not to tell me in order to encourage this process of growth and learning (which, I'll admit, was quite frustrating). Did I also mention that I'm an introvert who likes to lay low and shudders at the idea of introducing myself to someone I don't know? While I can handle social situations, not only would I prefer not to, but I'm also still growing in this area.

So, as you can imagine, I was absolutely terrified and in a tad state of frenzy. I knew that unless I stepped waaaaaaay out of my introverted social comfort zone and introduced myself to people I didn't know, asked the questions I didn't know to ask, and settled the decisions that I didn't know had to be made, NOTHING WAS GOING TO HAPPEN. I knew God had to help in ALL OF IT and SHOW UP BIG TIME. A constant prayer leading up to and during the trip was for courage and for elimination of fear. And constant Scriptures that God led me to was:

"Haven't I commanded you: be strong and courageous? Do not be afraid or

discouraged, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go."

Joshua 1:9

"But I protested, 'Oh no, Lord, God! Look, I don't know how to speak since

I am only a youth.'

Then the Lord said to me: 

Do not say, 'I am only a youth,' for you will go to everyone I send you, and

speak whatever I tell you. Do not be afraid of anyone, for I will be with you

to deliver you. This is the Lord's declaration."

Jeremiah 1:6-7

"Do not fear, for I am with you;

Do not be afraid, for I am your God.

I will strengthen you, I will help you;

I will hold onto you with My righteous right hand."

Isaiah 41:10

"Do not be afraid, Abram.

I am your shield; your reward will be very great."

Genesis 15:1

In addition to the Scriptures, I received MULTIPLE emails from friends while in Rwanda that not only had the same exact Scripture, but also Scriptures about growth and maturity. Every day I earnestly prayed for God's words and for His courage. We all know how He loves to answer prayer :) Starting on day one, God showed up big time. Over and over again I found myself walking up to staff I didn't know with words just flowing out introducing myself. Over and over again I found myself sitting in meetings where, by God's hand, I answered questions smoothly and had an abundance of questions flowing out of my mouth without any kind of preparation. Over and over again I found myself talking to the right people, in the right places, at the right times. And over and over again God helped me to settle details and ultimately make the decision to go back to Rwanda. At the end of every day I would lie in bed shaking my head with my jaw dropped in absolute awe of what God did that day and how He filled me with words and courage. 

Needless to say, I came back changed because of all that God helped me with. You might not see it directly, but indeed God has eliminated my social fear. This whole experience was a HUGE kick-start for further growth and maturity. I have zero doubt that God will continue to help and that "He who started a good work in you, will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." (Phil 1:6).

Oh, and thank you, friend (you know who you are), for not telling me anything. I'm grateful for the growing pains.