coach k?

Even though it's only November, the third week in February is getting closer and closer. February 20th is the first day of tryouts for Hayfield Secondary's softball team. That third week in February is always one of my favorite times of the year. It means I can get my glove back out and take the first whiff of the year of the musty smell of dirt gathered from fields across the globe (literally). It means that I can clap last year's mud off of my metal spikes to once again hear the awesome crunching sound of metal on pavement. It means that it's back to having my nights consumed by practices and games and more practices and more games. It means back to hearing and feeling the sweet spot of a bat (and the horrid vibration when you don't hit it in cold weather). Back to odd tanlines and sunflower seeds. Back to calling pitches and playing under the lights. Back to throwing batting practice (even though I've always been a catcher) and to bruises on my shins that come from unexpected ball ricochets. Can you tell that I love softball? I've spent the past 7 years invested in the softball program at Hayfield (4 years playing, 3 years as a volunteer coach whenever I'm home)...that's 1/3 of my life! This season will be different, this season I'll be a full-time staffed coach. I get to make decisions, call plays, coach a base (always harder than you think), and teach girls how to become better players. I get the chance to build the program. Even better, I get to shine the light of Christ to the same high school I came to know Him in. Being a high school girl is tough and high school can be a dark place. Many of the players need someone to care about them and acknowledge their existence. They need to know about the One who cares and loves beyond what we can imagine. Coaching is a mission field and the more I think about combining my passion for Jesus with my passion for softball the more excited I get.

In the meantime, and on a silly note, I'm trying to decide what to have the players call me. It's kinda like a giddy girl who's dating someone and one of the first things she does is try his last name with her name to see if it sounds alright. Now, that might be a tad extreme, but I'm so excited about coaching that I've been trying different coach names with my name. Coach Kelsey? Sounds like a newbie name. Coach Talbot? Makes me sound a little old. Coach T? Sounds too much like the head coach, Coach G. Coach KK (nickname that has stuck in the softball world over the years)? Too many syllables. Coach K? Heeeeyyyy :) It's short, it's simple, it doesn't make me sound old or like the other coach (who happens to also be old), and it has a lovely association with the Coach K of the Duke basketball team (who's a beast of a coach). Think I could be the new and improved Coach K?

   

I'm prettier than Coach K when I yell. And I also got really excited yesterday because my name is officially listed as a varsity assistant coach on Hayfield's athletics website. In fact, I was so excited that a squeal slipped out. Here comes my coaching debut!

He dwelled among us

This was the theme of the Urbana Missions Conference back in 2009. This is also what has been repeating over and over in my head concerning missions since then. Urbana studied how Jesus approached missions and challenged us to imitate Him.

"And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us..."

John 1:14

The Holman Christian Standard translation replaces "dwelt" with "took up residence." Jesus came down from Heaven to live among the people of the earth; He met them where they were. Jesus went into homes and neighborhoods. He went into cities and towns. From place to place, He lived among and with the people and endured life with them. And He brought the Kingdom of God into those neighborhoods, cities, and towns when He lived among them. This is how Jesus did missions. He didn't make the people come to Him (although many did follow Him), He went to the people and loved them so much as to live with and dwell among them in their daily lives.

And this is what I can't help but think about whenever I think about the Kageyo Refugee Camp in Rwanda. 

Plans have been coming together for me to spend a year in Rwanda with Africa New Life Ministries starting January 2013. This is obviously still being prayed over and planned, but in the meantime I'll visit Rwanda for two weeks this coming February in order to solidify some of those details. How did this come into the picture you ask? Long story short, I've wanted to go to Rwanda ever since I became a believer and I know people who know important people. Currently, the president of Africa New Life is desiring for native English speakers to help teach English in the schools. Teaching English as a native speaker is invaluable in Africa. English is the official language in the education system and essentially, if you don't know English as a child in Africa, then there's no hope for you. Teaching them English helps them help themselves. Anywho, as you saw from the video, Kageyo is way out in the boonies in eastern Rwanda, so out in the boonies that there isn't any running water or electricity. It's also common for water buffalo to be roaming around. It's also not uncommon for villagers to have to shoot a hippo every so often because of the danger hippos are to the villagers. And as you also saw, Kageyo is the home to hundreds of refugees that had once fled Rwanda due to the 1994 genocide. The kids out there need to learn English and, of course, everybody needs Jesus. A church has been up and going for a year or so, but there's more need for discipleship in addition to continue reaching that village with the Gospel.

There's a couple options when it comes to the possibility of me working with Africa New Life. There's the option of working in the schools in Kigali, Rwanda's capital and in the middle of the hustle and bustle. Then there's Kageyo. There's no one out there in the village teaching English. The conversation with a friend went something like this: "So Kageyo, no running water, no electricity, cook all your food over a fire, pee in a hole, 3 hours away from the city...sound appealing?" "Sure does!" "Wait...really?" "Uhhhh yeah, someone needs to go out there. I want to." I want to be the one to go where no one else wants to go. Why? Because Jesus did. He talked to people no one wanted to talk to. He touched people no one wanted to touch. He lived in the places that were counted as measly, nothing towns. I've been told that I could be placed in the city, where I could have the comforts of indoor plumbing, a place to plug in a laptop, and actual floors and walls without the worry of a water buffalo or a hippo running rampant. That's not the point. I could care less about water buffalo or where I pee as long as people are being reached. Jesus never said to go and make disciples and be comfortable, He just said go. Jesus Himself didn't have a place to lay His head; clearly it was not on His priority list. Nor will it be on mine. I will endure whatever it takes to teach those kids English and to share my Jesus with that village in the middle of nowhere Rwanda, the village that has hundreds of people that no one wants. I want to dwell among the people, just as Jesus did. Send me to Kageyo, Papa.

who woulda thunk it?

That's all I've been saying since May. It was then that God started making it obvious that He had been repeating something all last semester: going to seminary. I used to never see myself as a seminary student, thinking that it was for those super duper smart biblical scholars and those who wanted to be a pastor. I was also assumed that seminary would kill my love for God's Word (you would be surprised how many people assume this). Over and over again God brought up the idea of going to seminary through a friend, through a pastor from Rwanda, and through my pastor back home. When my friend and the pastor from Rwanda encouraged me to think about seminary, I just nodded my head and smiled, but in my head I was thinking, "ha, ooooookay." Then I met with my pastor last May to talk about missions and what the path towards the mission field will look like. Even before we met I somehow knew he was going to bring up me going to seminary, there wasn't any other indication, I just knew. So we talked for a couple hours about missions and then at the end of the conversation he said he wanted to bring up one more thing. Indeed it was me going to seminary. He and his daughter had put together a list of seminaries, degrees that would be ideal, specific classes that would be ideal, location of each seminary, how long the program would take, and how much it costs. Then I really started listening. He explained it's not just for pastors, but it's to gain a deeper understanding and application of God's Word and it's to gain a more formal biblical education that would greatly contribute to my work overseas. I looked at the list and the first seminary that I saw was the same seminary that the pastor from Rwanda had attended and recommended (when I wasn't listening), Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary in Charlotte. I was all ears then. Then it clicked that I had been ignoring God's attempts at getting my attention. I really need to learn to listen to Him the first time rather than make Him repeat Himself three times. I realized that seminary might legitimately be where God is calling me to (in addition to missions). I went home and researched Gordon-Conwell. Then I started praying...


And praying...

And praying...

And praying...

I've been praying about it for the past six months and I decided to take a step out and go visit Gordon-Conwell. The more I prayed about it, the more I felt God's confirmation. Even before the visit, I was fairly certain that I was going to apply. If God didn't want me going, He was going to have to do some serious heart change. 

So, my visit to Gordon-Conwell was last week and I am SOLD. Every single doubt and fear I had about going to seminary was completely eliminated, including financial and housing worries. I had the chance to speak with faculty, sit in on a theology class, and get more information about the degree I'm hoping to pursue, a MA in Christian Thought (a combination of biblical studies, missions, apologetics, and church reformation). I LOVED sitting in on the class and realized exactly how valuable a seminary education is. And even better, the majority of the faculty have long-term missions experience. God's provision and confirmation makes me hit my face. Not only did I receive confirmation about seminary through the visit, but also the utmost confirmation to be a missionary through a conversation with a professor. Not that I ever doubted, but I sometimes was left seeking that absolute Holy Spirit light bulb moment. Now I have it. 

I'm now almost done with my Gordon-Conwell application and intend to send it in next week. If I'm accepted, I'll start with an online class next semester while I'm coaching softball up in NoVa. And just think, four years ago if you had told me that I would place my faith in Jesus, love Him with all my heart, be called to the mission field in Africa, and go to seminary, I would have laughed in your face and cussed you out. Not even an exaggeration. Now look what God has done with the past four years. Who woulda thunk it? Only my Papa can do stuff like this.

CAST all your cares on Him

Yup, I'm in a cast right now. It was three weeks ago today that I had ankle surgery. I'm 21 and have already had reconstruction surgeries on two major joints (shoulder and ankle) and I also wouldn't be surprised if my other ankle has to be operated on in the next couple years. Oh the price I pay for getting up off the couch and being an athlete my whole life...I don't regret it one bit.

The procedure I had done was an Ankle Reconstruction. As the video states, my surgeon cut all my ligaments in half, shortened them, sutured them together, and anchored the ends of my ligaments into my bone. He also stretched out, tightened, and anchored a tendon over the top of my ankle where the leg meets the foot. He also cleaned out the mess that was in my ankle. For years I've had bone fragments and scar tissue floating around in my ankle that have occurred from me breaking my ankle a couple times. The biggest bone fragment I had was about the size of a pea. Anywho, so during the surgery my surgeon cleaned out the scar tissue and removed the bone fragments. He told me afterwards that he thought about letting me keep that big bone fragment, but then assumed I wouldn't want it, so he threw it away. Crazy man. OF COURSE I WOULD HAVE WANTED IT! It would have been so cool to have a piece of my ankle sitting on my shelf. Oh well. I promise I'm not bitter. I was the first surgery of the day and the whole procedure took about one hour. Two of my roommates, one of whom just so happens to be a nurse, took me to the hospital and made sure to get me on video after my surgery while anesthesia was wearing off (go to my facebook to see it, it's well worth your time). They put me on crutches and in a mixture of a hard and soft cast, christened "Oscar" by post-op nurse:

The thing literally weighed 10 pounds. I never left the couch for a week (except to pee and that was quite an adventure in itself) and my leg was propped up 24/7. I had to take a Vicodin every 5 hours and I soon learned why God made painkillers. Classes? Yeah right. I did venture out once for 20 minutes to go to the store with my roommate, just to see if I could:

Guess not. My five roommates took turns sleeping downstairs with me in the living room and bringing me food (a requirement in order to avoid nausea from the Vicodin). It was a painful and interesting week, however, I was probably the most content and peaceful that I've been for a while. It was obvious that God never left my side and I could see His love being completely poured out through my roommates and their selflessness. God truly blessed me with a spirit and heart of worship and thankfulness during a time when most would be going nuts about having to depend on others and not being able to do anything. I was like that once when I had shoulder surgery three years ago, but I remembered the lessons God taught me. It's hard to accept help, but by being stubborn I rob people of the chance to be a servant that bears the image of God.

A week after surgery I had Oscar removed:


There was literally enough stuffing and Ace bandages to make a Build-A-Bear. This was also my first time seeing my incision (DISCLAIMER: IF YOU'RE SQUEAMISH DON'T LOOK):

Yup the scar is HUGE. Score. I was then given a hardcast:

It was later christened "Peter" one, because one of my roommates signed it first and wrote "CAST all your cares on Him" (referencing 1 Peter 5:7) and thus started a trend, and two, because every time I talk about my cast I can talk like Glozell.

So now, I have been on crutches for the past three weeks (all non-weightbearing) and next week I get my cast taken off! I will move into a walking boot (the ones that make you walk funny and that eventually start to smell pretty bad), will spend a few weeks in that, and then will eventually move on to walking on my own. Physical therapy is thrown in there somewhere. I still have about three months to go for full recovery, but it's heading in the right direction and I know it will all be worth it. Oh, and a couple random fun facts: it IS possible to play nine holes of golf on one leg, casts make great flower vases, and the best cast scratcher is a wire clothes hanger.

Long story short, God is more than, and will always be, amazing. My surgery and disability is not an annoyance, but it's a gift and blessing. Just need that eternal perspective :)

waiting game

Since coming back to school life has been a waiting game; waiting on God and waiting for His plan to fall into place in His timing. I am waiting on literally EVERYTHING right now.While I've always known that nothing is in my control, it's become so much more evident. Here is my "waiting list":

Seminary visit at Gordon-Conwell

Ankle surgery recovery

Coaching softball in the spring

Looking for a job in the spring

Graduation in December

Missions agencies applications

Two-week trip to Rwanda in February

More information about possibly spending a year in Rwanda

Figuring out living/financial situations for next year

That's just off the top of my head. I am such a detail-oriented person, but details are hidden from me as well, so God is also refining my patience. Simply put, I am waiting. I have a lot to be seeking His face about, so I will seek His face while I wait. I will be faithful while I wait, I will serve while I wait, I will worship while I wait. I see that the road ahead of me is exciting and the next chapter that God has for me is quickly approaching, but it's not here yet and I still have things to do in this present moment. God's timing is perfect and details will come when He wants me to know them. I pray I will not lose heart (nor patience!) in this season of waiting that God has called me to. 

"Wait for the LORD; be courageous and let your heart be strong. Wait for the LORD."

Psalm  27:14

a season of stillness

As I said in my previous post, I am back at VT for my last semester. I can't believe three years has come and gone already and I am absolutely astounded at what God has done. This semester, however, feels very different than other semesters because I'm about half as busy. I've been so used to go go go with leading two discipleships, in my own discipleship, leading a Bible study, in my own Bible study, leading the Bridges team for Cru, and oh right, classes too. This semester? I'm not leading a Bible study, only leading one discipleship, my discipleship meets only every other week, and my classes aren't nearly as difficult...what happened to the busyness and why does my schedule have to be so open all of a sudden? I've been trying to find a routine, which I typically can only find through a busy schedule, but to no avail. I let it go and trusted that God had a reason for all the lack of busyness.

Well, last week I found out I need ankle reconstruction surgery. That explains why I need all the spare time. Long story short, I have chronic ankle instability and so basically my ligaments and cartilage are so overstretched/torn that they have lost their function. My ankle can bend in ways it shouldn't be able to. My orthopedic sent me to physical therapy all last summer, but it didn't work and the pain has gotten worse and worse throughout the year. So, if I want to be walking and without arthritis in two years, then the surgery needs to be done. I'm seeing an orthopedic surgeon here in Blacksburg on Sept 12th to find out more details about when surgery is going to be and what exactly it will entail. From what I've been told so far, I'll be in a non-weightbearing cast (aka crutches) for 6 weeks and then start physical therapy; 6 months is expected for full recovery. I'm hoping to get it done within the month so that recovery won't spill over into the softball season.

With surgery, as I learned from shoulder surgery freshman year, comes a season of stillness. I won't be able to do too much except listen to what God is telling me. In fact, it was during my shoulder surgery recovery that I began hearing God's calling to the mission field. God does crazy things when you're still enough to listen. So while I strongly dislike recovering from surgeries, I know that God has His purposes for making me still. I had a season of pruning and busyness during the summer, now it's time for the season of stillness. Now I just have to wait...

summer's best eight weeks

I really need to make updating my blog in a timely matter a habit. As you can see it's been 2 months since my last post at camp. Camp is over, fall semester (my last semester) has started...it's time for an update.

I don't really know where to start when it comes to camp and all that God did and taught me, a lot happened in those 2 months! I've processed it slightly and I'll put them as bullet points so you won't have to read a novel.

• First and foremost I am COMPLETELY INADEQUATE on my own- as you saw from my last post, it became even more apparent to me how I can do nothing on my own. I can't love, I can't teach, I can't coach, I can't do anything. There were many days I woke up and told Papa: "Alright Papa, it's You and me today, but more so You because I can't really do a thing." In God and in God alone I am able. "I am the vine; you are the branches. The one who remains in Me and I in him produces much fruit, because you can do nothing without Me" (John 15:5). 
• I'm free to be me- yes yes yes, I think of Francesca Battistelli's song Free To Be Me. It wasn't until camp that I realized how much I compared myself to others, especially to other women. It's not that I wasn't comfortable in my own skin, I just wasn't entirely comfortable. At camp I was surrounded 24/7 by awesome, solid, godly women who love Jesus with all their hearts, who love kids, and who love sports...just like me! I was around women who also didn't mind sleeping outside, peeing in the woods (or lake!), getting dirty, picking up daddy-long-legs, carrying two knives, starting fires, and doing crazy full-body work-outs during down-time. This is who God has made me to be and there is so much freedom in being the woman who really does have a couple dents in her fender and a couple rips in her jeans :)
• To have joy in all circumstances- this is the simple phrase that God whispered to me when I was sick Third Term. I had already gotten sick First Term and had gotten sick again, but worse. Having enthusiasm at a sports camp when you're sick is next to impossible. I remember laying in my bunk and asking God why I had to get sick again; it was hard enough as it was leading the cabin I had, why add illness? He simply answered, "Joy in all circumstance." Regardless if I'm sick, regardless if the girls are misbehaving, regardless if I'm frustrated and want to be alone, shine the light of Jesus and don't neglect the joy I've been so graciously given. 
• He uses the crappiest and most broken of backgrounds to bring Himself glory and to help others in their suffering- 2 Corinthians 1:4-6 says: "He comforts us in all our affliction, so that we might be able to comfort those who are in any kind of affliction, through the comfort we ourselves receive from God. For as the sufferings of Christ overflow to us, so our comfort overflows through Christ. If we are afflicted, it is for your comfort and salvation..." I got the chance to share my testimony multiple times throughout the summer, including in front of the entire camp one Sunday. As God spoke through my own brokenness and sufferings, I could see Him moving through hearts on people's faces. I had the chance to spend quite a bit of time with one senior, Lexi, who has pretty much the exact same testimony as mine, and it was so cool to see God using that brokenness to help bring relief and comfort to her. He's not glorified in our perfections (as though we have any), but He is seen most vividly where we are poor in spirit and broken in heart.
• I am such an introvert that it might be ridiculous- I'm an introvert, you might not think so, but indeed I am. I thrive off solitude and when I don't get as much solitude as I think I need, it affects my mood. I get frustrated and I get irritable. And how much solitude do you think you get watching 10 girls 24/7 for two months? Basically zilch. It was quite the transition and challenge. The only possibility of solitude and spending time with Papa was before I woke my girls up at 7:50am, which meant getting up at 6am on zero to little sleep. God taught me quite a few things through this. One, how to be still and alone with Him in my heart even when I'm surrounded by people and everything is go go go. Two, how to make my day almost like one long quiet time. Three, and probably the biggest lesson of this, is that He made me realize how COMFORTABLE I was in my solitude and how easy it is to be able to make Him a priority when I'm comfortable. But what about when I'm UNCOMFORTABLE? When I don't have that perfect amount of solitude? Basically, I learned how to seek hard after Him and how to make Him a priority when I'm not in the most ideal or comfortable situations.
• Speaking of priorities- Papa sure taught me a lot about how to make Him a priority. It was always a battle of pleasing myself vs pleasing Him, loving myself vs loving Him, and focusing on myself vs focusing on Him. There were many many many mornings where my alarm would go off at 6am (when I would do my quiet time) and every last bit of me would want to roll over and have that one more hour of sleep. God, however, would then just start repeating, "Whom will you choose to serve this day?" (Joshua 24) over and over again until I got out of bed. It took awhile, but He truly taught me how to make Him a priority above anything and everything, including sleep. And last, but not least...
• More than likely I will not see the fruit of my labor-I saw these girls for only two weeks out of the year and could potentially never see them again. No matter what I say or do it could be in those other 50 weeks out of the year where God changes their hearts and transforms their lives; that's a lot more time to work than two weeks. More than likely I will not see immediate results. On the days where I felt like nothing I said or did was penetrating their hearts and minds, I had to remember that not only was it God that does the changing, but also that God values my obedience over results. He is pleased when I am faithful in what He has assigned me to do, regardless if it appears that the girls are or are not taking it to heart. 

Overall, camp was fantastic. It was hard, but for very good reasons. I'm missing camp and my camp family a whole lot, but I'm very thankful that God placed me there this summer. He knows what He's doing, even if I don't.