what's the deal with the Amazon box?

While I know that you probably don't stalk my blog on a daily basis, I do know that some of you get my posts sent directly to your email. If this is the case, you probably haven't noticed the Amazon search box that suddenly appeared on the right sidebar of my blog. If you have been to my blog recently, you're probably wondering what the heck it's doing there and if I'm THAT obsessed with Amazon to advertise for them. While I'll admit that I love Amazon, allow me to explain.

I have started a fundraiser for Rwanda through Amazon by being approved to be an Amazon Associate. Basically, you buy things from Amazon and I get a portion of the proceeds via check, which I will put towards Rwanda. THE KICKER IS THAT YOU MUST START FROM MY BLOG! You must must MUST begin your item search from the search box on my blog; there isn't a way to "manually" apply your purchase to my profile/account. It doesn't matter what items you search, how many different searches you do, or how many items you add or remove from your cart, once you initiate your Amazon shopping from my search box it will automatically connect it to my account. For every purchase I receive a certain percentage, which is currently 4%, and that percentage increases as more products are purchased. The number of items is totaled and restarted each month. For example, right now I receive 4% for this month and a total of four items have been bought. If three more items are bought before the end of this month, that percentage will increase to 6%. When next month starts, the total number of items begins at zero and goes back down to 4%. I know some of you didn't necessarily need to know all those details, but I want you all to be informed as much as possible. So let's review:

1. Go to my blog and find the Amazon search box (on the right sidebar)

2. Type in what you're looking for on Amazon and click GO!

3. Go about your typical Amazon shopping business

4. VOILA! You have just helped me get closer to Rwanda

It is by far the easiest fundraiser on the face of the planet. Dollars and pennies add up, friends! The $3.21 that I've earned so far might not look like a lot, but I'm $3.21 closer to $20k! And tell your friends! Spread my blog site around! Advertise it on your Facebook page! Put a sticky note next to your computer reminding you to go to my blog first! That's a lot of exclamation points...for good reason.

If you have any questions about how this all works, feel free to leave a comment or ask me!

you know you're in Africa when...

It seems like the flies that are biting through your clothes are invincible...until you hit them with a bubbles container.

Saying that you hurt your ankle saving orphans from a charging water buffalo could actually be a legitimate story.

You have what could be a broken ankle and realize that there aren't any elevators or escalators in the airport.

There aren't any taxes!

A typical taxi is a motorcycle...and you've seen families of four (excluding the driver!) ride on one. 

A mosquito net is your best friend at night..and so is Ambien.

It starts to rain and everyone drops everything to celebrate.

Your ride into town shows up two hours late...sometimes not at all.

Geckos and cockroaches join you in your shower.

Cows are the source of traffic.

Airport security "pat-downs" are a little bit sketchy...

Depending on how you wave to a child, you could be telling them "hello," "come here," or calling a dog.

You have so much dirt up your nose that it takes at least two tissues to clean it out at the end of the day.

Speaking of dirt, the cloud of dirt forever hovers over the back seat.

You get charged more for items at the market than the Rwandan standing behind you because you're white (a mzungu) and don't know any better.

Meat on a stick on the street is a...novelty?

The only thing you can find that remotely resembles a wheelchair is a rolling computer chair.

Along those same lines, the only thing you can find in the market that comes close to helping you get around with a bum ankle is a cane with a sword inside, which you can't buy because you can't take it on the plane as a carry-on. 

It's a necessity to lock your door at all times because baboons will come in and steal your clothes. 

There is a hugging system you have to figure out because every Rwandan seems to hug differently.

ibyi rin giro

This post will be on a more solemn note, considering this will contain details about one of the most horrific events in history. As you are probably aware, one of the most brutal and quickest genocides in history took place in Rwanda in 1994. Roughly one million Rwandan Tutsis and moderate Hutus were slaughtered in the short time-span of 100 days. Rwanda had been steeped in tribal/ethnic tension and violence since its colonization days. When Belgium overtook the country in the early 1900s, they put the minority Tutsi tribe in power, seeing them as  more superior, in addition to implementing an identification system between the two tribes. The resentment of the Hutu tribe continued to build and they overthrew the Tutsi government when Belgium pulled out in the 1960s. The years leading up to the genocide were filled with political tension, civil war, and massacres of the Tutsis; the Hutus viewed the Tutsis as inyenzi, a Kinyarwanda word meaning "cockroach," and were determined to eliminate them. In April 1994, the Hutu president's plane was shot down and even though to this day no one knows the responsible party, the Tutsis were blamed and the killing spree began. Hutus went door-to-door torturing, mutilating, and killing every Tutsi, and any Hutus helping Tutsis, with machetes, clubs, axes, and guns. No mercy was shown to any Tutsi, not to even children, women, or the elderly. Neighbors killed neighbors, co-workers killed co-workers, family killed family, and even pastors helped to kill members in their own congregations. Hundreds of thousands of women were raped during the genocide, which resulted in the AIDS/HIV epidemic in Rwanda. The brutality of the genocide is unfathomable; I was told numerous stories that I won't even dare post here. The genocide ended three months later in July 1994 after the Rwandan Patriotic Front (RPF), a force containing Tutsi refugees and moderate Hutus, captured the capital, Kigali.

The genocide broke the country to pieces and it is continuing to rebuild itself. Though far from restored, God has brought this country a long long way since 1994. There is forgiveness, there is reconciliation, there is healing. Neighbors are forgiving neighbors and friends are reconciling with friends though it was these same neighbors and friends who murdered their families. By God's great hand and healing Rwandans are beginning to live together again. Many of the genocide killers and perpetrators are being tried, convicted, and imprisoned. And things are looking up for the education systems and economy.

Yet there is still healing to be done. I visited two genocide memorials while I was there; one in Kigali and one in a town called Nyamata. The memorial in Kigali is what I call the words of the genocide and is around the same caliber of impact as the Holocaust memorial in DC. The outside portion of this memorial had some gardens, three mass graves, and a memorial wall similar to that of the Vietnam memorial wall.

Window looking down and in to one of the mass graves

Memorial wall

The mass graves were roughly half a football field long, 15 feet wide, and 10-15 feet deep into the ground. They were each filled with coffins and each coffin could hold the remains of up to ten people. Remains are still being found in the land surrounding the memorial, so mass graves are still being built and filled. The memorial wall lists the names of the known victims in just the Kigali area, so it doesn't include the unknown or those in neighboring towns. The first thing I noticed when I looked at the list of names was the common occurrence of eight, nine, or ten people having the same last name---entire families were slaughtered and wiped out. The inside portion of this memorial was mostly about the history of the genocide, so it included colonization days, the events leading up to the genocide, the political background, the events of the genocide itself, and the aftermath of the genocide. The brutality of the genocide became real to me at this memorial when I walked through the hall that was dedicated to the kids that were killed during the genocide. As I saw pictures of individual kids and a summary of their name, their age, their favorite food, their favorite animal...then how they died. 15 month-old smashed against a wall, two year-old macheted in his mother's arms, five year-old stabbed in the eyes and head. These were kids and they were shown no mercy. I began wondering how man could be so evil as to kill kids; I was actually quite enraged by it. The other memorial wasn't any less sobering. This memorial in Nyamata is what I call the picture of the genocide and the impact it has is indescribable. This memorial is a preserved location of a mass slaughter of the genocide...it's a church where approximately 10,000 people were killed. In previous times of massacres, Tutsis fled to churches because it was seen and kept as a place of safety and refuge and as a result, people fled to this church during the genocide. All rules, respects, and formalities were tossed out the window during the genocide, so the killers marched right up and started killing at first with just machetes, axes, and clubs. Then government militia came in with guns and explosives and they locked the door to the church and started throwing grenades and bombs at the thousands that were trapped inside the church. The site itself is still standing and you can actually walk through the church where this mass slaughter occurred. Obviously it has been cleaned up and corpses removed (though it was up until recently that piles of bones and remains were left in the church), but you can still see the bullet holes, shrapnel marks, and blood stains. The clothes of the victims are stacked all over the church; you can kind of picture what 10,000 people actually look like. The remains are in mass graves outside of the church and the caskets in these mass graves can hold the remains of up to thirty people. You can go down into one of the mass graves, which resembles a cellar, and on display are shelves and shelves and shelves of skulls and bones. This memorial shook me more than I anticipated and for reasons I won't get into here, I will probably never go back. I've seen it once and I don't need to see it again.

A couple thoughts about all of this. I think that someone in my shoes wanting to serve long-term in Rwanda, especially, ought to visit a memorial like Nyamata. Part of living among a different culture and people requires learning about them and in this case the genocide is a huge part of these people and their past. I personally don't think any amount of googling or reading could match the experience of seeing the aftermath and hearing stories from Rwandans themselves. While we will NEVER fully understand the impact of the genocide and what atrocities happened during that time, we should attempt to understand part of the genocide and its impact. Which leads me to another thought: we will NEVER fully understand the genocide, its effects, and its involvement with everyday life, which can be a tough one to swallow. I saw an aspect of my American ignorance by realizing how I had once assumed that the genocide was a horrific event that happened in the past, but that it was just an event that everyone has come to move on from or let drift from mind. How very wrong I was; the genocide affected everyone and it is a very real part of their everyday lives. While I desire to minister to these people, there is a part of them I'll never understand regardless of how much I want to. From my psychology background and the lack of it in Rwanda, I can't help but wonder about the post-traumatic stress these people must go through and how people can actually live on day in and day out, especially if someone is a survivor of genocide attacks. There is no amount of human counseling or help that could ever heal the holes, hurt, and pain that the genocide left. I realized that the future of this country has to depend on God's healing and any hope of restoration has to be found in Jesus. This actually helps to counter the temptation to believe that I, the Westerner, hold the answer and it humbles me to ask, "what can I honestly bring to this place and to these people?" I wrestled with this question during a team debrief one night and was encouraged by the statement: "One child at a time." The future of Rwanda and its healing and restoration depend on God's work through the upcoming generations, which is why it's absolutely crucial to invest in the children of Rwanda. By teaching them, by God's grace and help, the things that I have taken for granted here in the US they become enabled to become godly leaders and citizens of Rwanda who are lights in Rwanda's darkness and lights in this world. The potential that Rwanda has to glorify God is astounding; imagine how much glory He could receive through this country forgiving, healing, and reconciling after such a devastating history! Not only is Rwanda literally a city on a hill (known as the Land of a Thousand Hills), but this little Maryland-sized country smack-dab in the middle of Africa has the potential to be God's city on a hill illuminating His light in such a dark and fallen world. This is why when I think of Rwanda, the phrase "ibyi rin giro" comes to mind, which is translated "hope in the midst of distress." There is hope for healing in Rwanda and God will not relent!

tia = this is Africa

So, the question you might be thinking is, "So what are you actually going to do in Rwanda, Kelsey?" Good question. The shortest answer is that I won't know entirely until I get there because THIS IS AFRICA we're talking about. Things change so often that they are almost unpredictable. Programs and projects get added, changed, or shut down. You go with the flow and get by on the fly. In fact, this is how my meeting about going back to Rwanda went with Fred, the vice president of ANLM:

(After some discussion about my gifts, calling, and testimony)
Fred: So, when can you come to Rwanda?

Me: August.

Fred: Alright then, start support raising. If you get the support, we'll see you in August. If you don't get it, then God really doesn't want you here.

There you have it. It's a roll-with-it kind of functioning. And boy, I really wish you could have witnessed that meeting. Rwandan meetings are, by far, one of the most amusing things to be a part of.

Anyway, you're not reading this post for me to tell you, "I don't know." It's also quite difficult to explain that on support letters, HOWEVER, I do have a plan and I hold all of it with an open hand. As of right now I intend to work with the street kids tutoring program at the Dream Center in Kigali. Let me back up a second to explain some background information about Africa New Life's work on the ground. There are four main locations where ANLM has programs running. There is the Dream Center in Kigali, which is where I spent a lot of my time during my trip, and it is the location of ANLM headquarters, New Life Bible Church (the main church), vocational training classes for men and women, the up and coming Bible college, the street kids feeding program (which was recently shut down by the Rwandan government), and some classrooms that are used for the street kids tutoring program. The other three locations are Bugesera, which has a school, Kayonza, which has a school, church, and girls and boys homes, and Kageyo, which has a school and church. Kageyo is the refugee village that I mentioned before in a previous post.

Back to the tutoring program. This program, started last August by the current intern/missionary, Marie, is the bridge between being on the street and being individually sponsored. Originally 50 boys, ages 6-14ish, were selected from the feeding program and for four months were taught the bare basics such as hygiene, appropriate behavior, social skills and basic math, English, and writing. It was during these four months that relationships were built as well. Thanks to a generous donation, this group of boys was able to be sponsored to start school in January (their school year runs from January to November) and then 50 more boys were added to the program. So every day after school, these 100 boys come back to the Dream Center to receive more tutoring and help with their homework. Everything that is taught is from a Christian character and the program is a wonderful avenue for teaching about the Bible and Jesus along with discipleship. The boys are split up into two groups based on academic level and Marie works with one group while a Rwandan staff member works with the other. There are a couple catches to this program. Number one, planning lessons ahead is nearly IMPOSSIBLE because every day is so different. Lessons are based on what the boys are struggling with and that varies from day to day and you never know what they need help with until they get to the Dream Center in the afternoons. Number two, the varying ages creates a challenging developmental dynamic from a psychological point of view. For example, you might have a thirteen year-old and a nine year-old and they are both in the third grade. Kids learn in different ways at different ages.

Overall, though, every day makes a difference in these kids lives. The point of this program is to help kids transition from a street kids mentality to being a godly, functional, and successful student and citizen of Rwanda. This program helps to enable these kids to have opportunities they otherwise wouldn't be able to have. I spent a few days with these boys helping to tutor them and answering their many many MANY questions (one eleven year-old even asked me to pray for a wife for him haha). It's hard to forget their faces and impossible to forget the sound of their voices saying, "Teacher! Teacher! Help me to read this!" They're thirsty to learn. It's also extremely hard to forget the boys that fell asleep on my lap because they are so tired by the time school is done; some of these boys wake up before sunrise so they can walk an hour to go get water for their families for the day, walk an hour to get to school, go to school, go to the Dream Center, walk the hour back home, and then walk to go fetch water again. Bottom line, every day is about loving those kids so that they know they are adored by their Father in Heaven. There are reasons why this is so, but I don't have enough space to really get into it.

Some of the younger boys in the tutoring program

In addition, I talked with the headmaster of the school at Kayonza when we spent a day there and there is also the possibility of working with an English program in the school, which is why it was recommended for me to get TEFL/TESOL certified. When the headmaster learned that I have a degree in psychology, he was very excited about it; he is hoping that some sort of counseling program will be started there soon as well. It would be basic counseling for teachers, such as behavioral management (stuff I learned in my freshman year psych classes) and basic counseling in general (stuff I learned in my senior year psych classes). So, to everyone who thought that going to Africa would be wasting my psych degree, think again! It's actually extremely valuable because Rwanda doesn't have much access to that kind of information and training. 

This is the plan I hold with an open hand, knowing that it will more than likely change. I go to be used at whatever expense is needed. By going to Rwanda, sticking to schedules, agendas, and to-do lists will be stripped from my life; it's not how things work in Africa. Things work because God makes them work and the people know that and live by that. God doing big things is a daily occurrence. This is Africa.  

growing pains

I knew months before going to Rwanda that the trip was going to be a process of growth and learning. Well that was an understatement. It was a process of growth and learning through which I was launched out of my comfort zone and put into situations that forced me to rely on God for my every word and action. I went into the Rwanda trip almost blind. I knew I needed to spend significant time with the current intern/missionary, Marie, and I generally knew that this trip was to determine if I would go back in August. Besides that I didn't know at all who to talk to or where or when or what about. I didn't know what my schedule was going to be like. I didn't know what specific questions to ask. I didn't know what details needed to be figured out before I left Rwanda. I didn't even know what I would do if I were to return in August; I knew of the tutoring program that Marie started and runs, but I didn't know entirely about it. I basically knew NOTHING. What made the situation more fun was that the Rwanda trip was my first time where I had to take care of everything myself (as a real live grown-up) without the help, guidance, and connections from other adults in my life. In fact, a friend/mentor knew most (if not all) of the details I needed to know, but chose not to tell me in order to encourage this process of growth and learning (which, I'll admit, was quite frustrating). Did I also mention that I'm an introvert who likes to lay low and shudders at the idea of introducing myself to someone I don't know? While I can handle social situations, not only would I prefer not to, but I'm also still growing in this area.

So, as you can imagine, I was absolutely terrified and in a tad state of frenzy. I knew that unless I stepped waaaaaaay out of my introverted social comfort zone and introduced myself to people I didn't know, asked the questions I didn't know to ask, and settled the decisions that I didn't know had to be made, NOTHING WAS GOING TO HAPPEN. I knew God had to help in ALL OF IT and SHOW UP BIG TIME. A constant prayer leading up to and during the trip was for courage and for elimination of fear. And constant Scriptures that God led me to was:

"Haven't I commanded you: be strong and courageous? Do not be afraid or

discouraged, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go."

Joshua 1:9

"But I protested, 'Oh no, Lord, God! Look, I don't know how to speak since

I am only a youth.'

Then the Lord said to me: 

Do not say, 'I am only a youth,' for you will go to everyone I send you, and

speak whatever I tell you. Do not be afraid of anyone, for I will be with you

to deliver you. This is the Lord's declaration."

Jeremiah 1:6-7

"Do not fear, for I am with you;

Do not be afraid, for I am your God.

I will strengthen you, I will help you;

I will hold onto you with My righteous right hand."

Isaiah 41:10

"Do not be afraid, Abram.

I am your shield; your reward will be very great."

Genesis 15:1

In addition to the Scriptures, I received MULTIPLE emails from friends while in Rwanda that not only had the same exact Scripture, but also Scriptures about growth and maturity. Every day I earnestly prayed for God's words and for His courage. We all know how He loves to answer prayer :) Starting on day one, God showed up big time. Over and over again I found myself walking up to staff I didn't know with words just flowing out introducing myself. Over and over again I found myself sitting in meetings where, by God's hand, I answered questions smoothly and had an abundance of questions flowing out of my mouth without any kind of preparation. Over and over again I found myself talking to the right people, in the right places, at the right times. And over and over again God helped me to settle details and ultimately make the decision to go back to Rwanda. At the end of every day I would lie in bed shaking my head with my jaw dropped in absolute awe of what God did that day and how He filled me with words and courage. 

Needless to say, I came back changed because of all that God helped me with. You might not see it directly, but indeed God has eliminated my social fear. This whole experience was a HUGE kick-start for further growth and maturity. I have zero doubt that God will continue to help and that "He who started a good work in you, will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." (Phil 1:6).

Oh, and thank you, friend (you know who you are), for not telling me anything. I'm grateful for the growing pains.