somewhere in between

10 days. That's all I have left of my college career at Virginia Tech. The repeating question of, "so, how ya feelin'?" has left me chuckling, shrugging my shoulders, shaking my head, and answering, "I have no idea." How I feel about graduating from college changes from day to day. Part of me doesn't realize that I'm actually graduating and the other part of me has already peaced out of college. Long story short, graduating is bittersweet. No doubt about it, my college years have been the best years of my life so far and Jesus has everything to do with it. The joy I have experienced in knowing my God is indescribable and the fellowship and community I have been a part of leaves me speechless. I'll be spending a while processing college and all that God has done. In the meantime, I'm pretty sad about it. I love VT, I love Cru, I love living with godly women, I love going on spontaneous caving trips with friends at midnight...the list goes on. I'm sad to be leaving friends and the place that I have made my home the past three and a half years. I'm sad to be leaving a place that has taught me and sharpened me so much. On the other hand...

I'M STOKED! I'm excited to have a college degree under my belt. Even more, I'm excited to walk with God out of college. I'm terrified, but excited. I was fairly comfortable in college, but now I'll be stepping out and it's truly going to be me and God from here on out. There are a lot of exciting things coming up: starting seminary classes next semester, coaching softball, and going to Rwanda for two weeks in February. This...is...exciting.

Although, this is still an odd and tough transition, one that I'm still trying to figure out how to handle. I'm also at an odd place in this odd transition. I'm somewhere in between the here and now and the later. I still have to graduate, still have to wrap up my academics and ministries well, still want to be a part of the community that I most likely won't ever have again, and still want to live it out where while I can. However, my life at the moment is also consumed with getting things ready for this upcoming spring. Most of what I'm currently doing and working on has to do with beyond graduation. It's a weird place to be.

By the way, one of my biggest pet peeves is people telling me that I'm about to enter the "real world" and that I'm about to be a "real adult." It's all real, people. What's different is the chapter of life that God has you in. I'm entering a new chapter that God has written for my life, I'm not entering some alternate world where a college degree is a prerequisite. And it's not that a college degree automatically makes me an adult either because I certainly know people who have college degrees and have the maturity of a 10-year-old. I am already an adult and we will ALL spend the rest of our lives learning what it means to be an adult. That's my little vent.

With all the craziness, I know God goes before me. I've been amazed at how He has been preparing me and how He is shaping and refining my heart. I am also amazed at who He has surrounded me with who have showed me great patience in helping me make this transition. I've been listening to the song "All The Way My Savior Leads Me" by Chris Tomlin:

Great truths. That was a little scatterbrained, but that's what finals do to you.