empty your pockets

Nope, this isn't about being robbed. Nor is it about a kid who got caught stealing candy. Nor is it about your mom telling you to make sure there aren't any tissues in your pants before she puts them in the washing machine. This is about God's desire to relieve me of and carry my burdens. This past semester I often felt burdened; most of it I knew to be a combination of the distractability of my typical human (not to mention female) mind and the spiritual battle that likes to increase intensely without warning. I had a lot to think about about this past semester with graduation and, ya know, the rest of my life around the corner. Lots of decisions had to be made, lots of tasks had to be completed, lots of planning had to be done, and I still had to be a student along with recovering from ankle surgery. That just scratches the surface. Overall, it was mentally a tougher semester. Unfortunately, one of my major pitfalls is thinking too much. I would think and think and think and think some more about what had to be done and when and how, about what's coming next, and about how to finish off my semester strong academically and spiritually. I would also think about the actual legitimate problems that had arisen during the semester and about how those could be fixed, if at all. I would think day and night. I would think as I laid down to sleep and as I woke up the following morning. I would think as I went to class and even during class. My thinking crept into my dreams and even into my quiet times with Papa in the morning. Then I began to worry and get overwhelmed by everything and even though it weighed on me, I still kept believing that I could handle it myself on my own strength. I kept putting a smile on my face to put on the front that I had everything together. I tried to carry everything myself, but Jesus didn't die so that I would carry it all. I forgot that God desires to carry my burdens:

"Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God, so that He may exalt 

you at the proper time, casting all your care on Him, because He cares for you."

1 Peter 5:6-7

"Cast your burden on the LORD, and He will sustain you; He will never allow the

righteous to be shaken." Psalm 55:22

It sounds silly, but sometimes I forget that God cares. One morning during a quiet time God reminded me of this, that He cares and that He wants me to stop carrying my burdens and let them go into His hands. To remind me of this, He gave me the image of someone emptying their pockets. The things that we carry in our front pockets that are our minds, we acknowledge that they're there and we continue to try and convince ourselves that we can carry them on our own. The things we carry in our back pockets that are our hearts, we have tried as hard as we can to just suppress them and hide them and push them deeper and deeper while thinking we can still carry them on our own. God knows that they're there and He wants all of them. As I approached God that one morning, all He quietly whispered as He held out His hand was, "Empty your pockets." So one by one I gave all my thoughts and worries and plans and anxieties over to Him. Next thing He whispered was, "I still see what's in your back pockets, empty those too." So one by one, the things I have been carrying in my heart for years I gave over to Him.

Think about how much lighter it feels when you finally take your phone, wallet, keys, chapstick, or whatever out of your pockets and dump them on the coffee table. It feels lighter doesn't it? That's exactly how my heart and mind felt. It was such a relief to be reminded again how so very much God cares and that I don't have to carry everything. Empty your pockets, friends, empty your pockets.

somewhere in between

10 days. That's all I have left of my college career at Virginia Tech. The repeating question of, "so, how ya feelin'?" has left me chuckling, shrugging my shoulders, shaking my head, and answering, "I have no idea." How I feel about graduating from college changes from day to day. Part of me doesn't realize that I'm actually graduating and the other part of me has already peaced out of college. Long story short, graduating is bittersweet. No doubt about it, my college years have been the best years of my life so far and Jesus has everything to do with it. The joy I have experienced in knowing my God is indescribable and the fellowship and community I have been a part of leaves me speechless. I'll be spending a while processing college and all that God has done. In the meantime, I'm pretty sad about it. I love VT, I love Cru, I love living with godly women, I love going on spontaneous caving trips with friends at midnight...the list goes on. I'm sad to be leaving friends and the place that I have made my home the past three and a half years. I'm sad to be leaving a place that has taught me and sharpened me so much. On the other hand...

I'M STOKED! I'm excited to have a college degree under my belt. Even more, I'm excited to walk with God out of college. I'm terrified, but excited. I was fairly comfortable in college, but now I'll be stepping out and it's truly going to be me and God from here on out. There are a lot of exciting things coming up: starting seminary classes next semester, coaching softball, and going to Rwanda for two weeks in February. This...is...exciting.

Although, this is still an odd and tough transition, one that I'm still trying to figure out how to handle. I'm also at an odd place in this odd transition. I'm somewhere in between the here and now and the later. I still have to graduate, still have to wrap up my academics and ministries well, still want to be a part of the community that I most likely won't ever have again, and still want to live it out where while I can. However, my life at the moment is also consumed with getting things ready for this upcoming spring. Most of what I'm currently doing and working on has to do with beyond graduation. It's a weird place to be.

By the way, one of my biggest pet peeves is people telling me that I'm about to enter the "real world" and that I'm about to be a "real adult." It's all real, people. What's different is the chapter of life that God has you in. I'm entering a new chapter that God has written for my life, I'm not entering some alternate world where a college degree is a prerequisite. And it's not that a college degree automatically makes me an adult either because I certainly know people who have college degrees and have the maturity of a 10-year-old. I am already an adult and we will ALL spend the rest of our lives learning what it means to be an adult. That's my little vent.

With all the craziness, I know God goes before me. I've been amazed at how He has been preparing me and how He is shaping and refining my heart. I am also amazed at who He has surrounded me with who have showed me great patience in helping me make this transition. I've been listening to the song "All The Way My Savior Leads Me" by Chris Tomlin:

Great truths. That was a little scatterbrained, but that's what finals do to you.