I apologize for such a delay in writing a blog update, especially since I've already been back home for over three months. I will be honest with you...I haven't had the words. I haven't had the words to describe all that happened in a three and a half month time frame in Rwanda. I haven't had the words to tell you all that God has done in my life, heart, and in the lives of the boys on a daily basis and all that He continues to do. I haven't had the words to describe what it was like to make the decision to return home early. I haven't had the words to describe what being back in the US or what the transition back has been like. I haven't had the words to truly emphasize the difficulty of my current season and, to put it bluntly, how God has crushed me.
But I've come to realize that I don't have to have the words. I don't have to perfectly explain, especially the things that even I don't understand. God sees and knows my jumbled, confused thoughts, most of which would sound illogical and irrational to most people anyway.
But know these things:
- My decision to go to Rwanda was the right decision
- My decision to cut my year short was the right decision
- My time in Rwanda was not wasted and God moved in mighty ways
- I miss those boys terribly
- The transition back has not been an easy one
- I wrestle with questions every single day that I may never know the answer to until Heaven
- Struggles are very real and very fierce
- Without a doubt, this is the hardest season of my life thus far
- Only God can heal and make right, and He will
- A long, bumpy road lies ahead, but I ultimately know where it's leading to
I have been there and back again. Somewhere in between my world was rocked, but it's a good thing my Rock never shatters, even when my heart and life feel like they have been.
"It's a dangerous business going out of the door; you step onto the road and if you don't keep your feet, there's no knowing where you might be swept off to." -Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring
